


The first time this year the weather just felt like weather

by still_emo



Category: emo - Fandom
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Sometimes before it gets better the darkness gets bigger
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-11
Updated: 2018-09-11
Packaged: 2019-07-11 05:25:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15965615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/still_emo/pseuds/still_emo
Summary: Coffee in bed with extra steps





	The first time this year the weather just felt like weather

It should feel good, it should feel good and comfortable and he can’t explain why he woke up feeling bad not uncomfortable or upset per se just bad just wrong. Eyes still closed he rolled over making soft movements as to not wake up Gabe he opened his eyes briefly disgusted at the brightness of the room sun just coming up even the warm tones didn’t make it okay blinking to adjust he looked at Gabe feeling a slightly creepy slightly warm loving mix of fuzz in his chest. Gabe despite all his energy and spirit was so gentle and kind under all of it. That of course went dark and cloudy faster than he could try to remember it, why would Gabe chose him of everyone if he wanted charisma pete is always available if he wanted pretty William would fucking fall all over him, that one stung more somehow burned in the back of his throat and made him feel sick and exposed and angry all at once. 

He relaxed a moment tried to counjour up some composure or fall back asleep but after a few moments feeling too aware of his body and too real in the moment decided it was making him worse to stay in bed so as quietly as possible he slipped out of bed pjs clinging to his hips like a vice too much too little all at once. He padded over the their shared closet and pulled out some jeans a long sleeve button up and quickly changed into them feeling slightly better at the stiffness and pressure of the denim the sharpness and lines he chose for purpose. 

Heading down stairs he thought about making coffee but the machine has been dying for years and the sizzles and death rattles would definitely wake up Gabe. He’s stilled for a second, Gabe is up there sleeping through all this completely unaware of the hurricane in his head and he’s conflicted, half of him wants to crawl back in bed and try for another go at waking up next to Gabe so when he wakes up he can remind him why and how he loves him. And half of him wants to run, to the gym the desert, find a guy to sell him something pretty girls hide from their moms and boyfriends. He sighs and leans against the kitchen counter, too solid and too real and too much.

Pulling on a jacket he heads for the door, the rough denim feels good it feels grounding and secure and kind of restricting in a good way. His hand hovers over the front door handle and he realises he can’t just leave Gabe alone without any explanation. He grabs an untouched Chinese’s menu slipped through the door and scrawls on it gone for a walk, be back soon, I love you he runs through a thousand more or different things to say in his head but decides against it leaving the note propped up against the mirror in the hall, checking himself a split second before moving on he rakes his fingers through his hair and fluffs it up, most of the time when he sees it he feels like somewhat of an imposter. The kind of person pete would write about the kind of person he’d end up singing about and it kind of sickens him. He leaves holding the door behind him to stop it slamming gently clicking back into place. 

the early morning chill hits first and it feels like a rapture and he’s half tempted to rip off the extra layers and feel it like he’s back home and this kinda winter kills people, he resists and moves on steps forming a rhythm and he starts feeling human again the cool air gets in his lungs and soothes the wild fire in his blood. The sun is fully up now and it’s beating down but the cold still sticks to the ground and the grass, he wants to keep going forever find some real nature find a huge body of water to stare off into and lose it. He walks for he doesn’t know how long winding round neighbourhoods that all look the same perfectly manicured gardens safe little havens from the harshness just beyond the warning signs and gates. He takes a last look at the clinging shreds of peach pinks and honey orange that frame the unrelenting feeling of time passing and heads home, winding the path back in the most vague right direction til now knows where he a Starbucks serving as a lighthouse. He decides to take home coffee as some sort of apology for leaving Gabe to wake up alone, that thought sits in his chest and pulls the air out of his lungs, he knows how Gabe hates to wake up alone, now it reminds him of being a party boy always moving too fast and leaving before morning. He picks up an iced green tea for himself and a caramel macchiato for Gabe, feeling the warm coming from the cup and wanting to teleport home half regretting ever leaving. 

The walk home feels drawn out and almost like a punishment for wandering so far but once he gets there it’s like a mirage consumed by a sunshine haze now inviting and almost ethereal opening the door he feels a heady comfort like all the worlds edges are smoothed down and rounded out. He puts down the cups and shrugs off his jacket heading up to see Gabe again. When he gets there the room is a little darker than the hall and he’s half worried that Gabe isn’t gonna be there but he notices a gentle rise and fall just showing through the folds and fluff of the duvet and against better judgment he places down the coffee and climbs up on top of the bundle of fluff and wraps his arms around the bundle as tight as possible. Gabe struggled slightly but gave in twisting to look at him from underneath “I’m sorry I left” Patrick told him Gabe instead of justifying the senseless apology kissed him quickly “nothing to be sorry for” he says like he means it. “You’re cold though get in here” Gabe pulls off the covers wriggling free and lifting it for Patrick to get under with him, Patrick briefly considers talking something off but decides getting as close to Gabe as possible as fast as possible takes priority. To his surprise Gabe hisses a breath between his teeth when he does “ah sorry you’re still cold, and uh you left your jeans on?” Patrick shifts away the second gabe makes a sound “it’s okay I’ll take em off it’s fine” Patrick tenses up slightly but does as said he would, Gabe shifts back offering more duvet but for a second Patrick hesitates all the world threatening to fall in on itself but gabe shifts and makes an inpatient noise and his brain quiets and he shifts closer to gabe who wraps his gangly limbs around him, planting a kiss into the side of his head Patrick moves back I into the touch. “Oh I got coffee too it’s on the side” Patrick tells him having entirely abandoned the rest of the world for his immediate surroundings “I fucking love you” gabe murmurs against him.


End file.
